


Winter Awakening

by dance4thedead



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Biphobia, Bisexual Erasure, Bottom!WS, Complicated Consent, Criticism Welcome, Ethics in Bodysharing, FUBAR - Freeform, HYDRA Trash Party adjacent, Homophobia, M/M, Misgendering, POV Roulette, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Racism, Sexuality is Complicated, Switch!Steve, Top!Bucky, Top!Sam, not civil war compliant, people are complicated, unreliable narrators, ymmv
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 15:56:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17449940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dance4thedead/pseuds/dance4thedead
Summary: The Soldier developing its own personhood has the unintended side effect of tossing a wrench in Bucky's happily ever after with Steve. Sam is most definitely in over his head.





	Winter Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> Mind. The. Tags.
> 
> Sincere thanks to tolarian whose feedback on the first draft helped tremendously.

 

But you’re fucked if you speak your mind.

-Hanshen, Totally Fucked, Spring Awakening

 

It all started the Friday night six weeks ago, which ended in disaster. Ever since moving to a one bedroom apartment in upstate New York, Sam usually spent most of his afternoons with Steve and Bucky in their suite at the Avenger's complex, before heading home for the night. It made more sense that way than cooking for, well, one, and Bucky seemed grateful to have something other than 23 variations of Mrs. Roger's famous no-waste casserole to chow down on.

They were on the sofa around the TV when Bucky slumped over into Steve's lap, directing Steve's fingers to his scalp.

"I can get going if you two need the room," Sam said, chuckling into the last swig of his beer.

Steve shook his head and scowled for a moment, but relented and began finger-combing the shameless supersoldier, until Bucky's eyes fluttered upward and requested with a soft half-sigh:

"Kiss me?"

That's when the smile dropped off Steve's face and he stood up, nearly breaking their coffee table for the nth time as he shoved the Soldier off of him at full force.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa... calm down!" Sam shouted at them both, unable to intervene physically without risking some major bodily harm.  

"STOP trying to trick me!" Steve snarled at the Soldier, "I can TELL."

The Soldier gathered himself on to his knees and stared Steve down defiantly. Fuck it, Sam got between them raised up open, placating, not-a-threat hands.

"Steve, man, chill--"

"He's been trying to goad me into touching him every time he's not Bucky," Steve shook his head in disgust. "How many times do I have to say that I'm never gonna want that from you?"

"What's stopping you?" the Soldier replied coolly. Callously.

"I don't want to--"

"Steve--" Sam had one hand against Steve's chest, like that was going to do anything.

"LIES!" The Soldier shouted, a hand shooting his pants, fishing out his dick. Which was way more of Bucky's anatomy than Sam ever cared to see. "You don't want to, but you still pop a stiffy every time I--"

"STOP IT! I said I wouldn't--" Steve yelled into Sam's left ear.

Two hands on Steve's shoulders. The sounds of the Soldier jerking off emanated from behind him.

"As if that's ever stopped anyone else?"

"Hey, hey. He's just trying to get a rise out of you,  man."

"What's stopping you, Sir?" the Soldier taunted.

"I'M NOT HYDRA!" Steve yelled over Sam's shoulder.

The movement behind him stilled.

The Soldier let out a half-amused grunt. "Pity."

Then before Sam even realized he was even standing, the Soldier stalked over to the bathroom and slammed the door closed.

Steve stared at the spot on the carpet where the Soldier had been kneeling for a long moment, before briefly shutting his eyes and turning off the TV.

"Sam... sorry. See you in the morning," he mumbled, energy drained out of him, then exited to the bedroom.

.......

Sam jerked awake in the middle of the night with the silhouette of the Winter Soldier standing at the foot of his bed. Sam nearly pissed himself.

"I want to have sex," the Soldier stated softly.

As if Sam wasn't awake before, that sure as hell did it. Adrenaline right to the brain as he scrambled to sit upright.

"I want to have sex and I'm not asking for your permission," the Soldier said, wavering slightly at the end.

"NO! Wh-- JEEZ! And it's like two-thirty in the morning. That is NOT how you go about asking a dude to... to..."

"Bucky instructed that if I can't tell Steve something, I am supposed to inform you."

Dammit Barnes.

"He..." the Soldier's voice was full on breaking. "He won't touch me. Not even to hurt me. I just want to be touched again."

Sam nearly blanched.

"I'm not requesting permission to seek it out," the Soldier continued. "I'll go alone if you won't provide assistance."

Sam breathed out. At least that meant Bucky, or the person wearing Bucky's body, wasn't trying jump his bones tonight.

"But... will you help me," the Soldier asked. "Sam?"

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

This was about twenty times a bad idea. Actually, it was the trolley car dilemma of bad ideas, wherein Sam had known long before Steve met him in DC that he'd always elect to change the tracks to minimize the sum collateral damage. To his own undoing.

But he couldn't stop the Winter Soldier by force and he couldn't turn a blind eye and maybe, yeah, maybe, he might feel a little sympathy for the guy.

"If we do this," Sam said cautiously, into the dark. "We break the least laws possible. I don't need soliciting a sex worker, or, or murder on my record."

"Understood."

"Which means it'll take some time for me to figure things out, logistically. You don't do anything without me or Steve there to spot you in the meantime."

"Steve can't know."

"Wha-- He has to."

"NO!"

That was the first time the Soldier had refused him. Ever.

"No," the Soldier repeated quietly. "I'll tell Bucky, but not Steve. Not yet... please."

Sam closed his eyes. "Alright."

Alright. Like he didn't just sell his soul.

................

Six weeks later, Bucky felt good. Gloriously good and starving for more pressure from the thing filling him, sliding electricity over all his nerve endings.

This wasn't the way that he and Steve did it, hadn't taken it this way since---well, not since he was made to. But sure enough, the side of his face was pressed against the sheets, dick dangling hard and sensitive between his legs with his ass was high off the bed and jolting forward with each thrust.

Wait, his brain stuttered while the rest of him careened forward.

Those didn't feel like Steve's hands on his hips. That certainly wasn't Steve's dick inside him.

It was only due to reflex that he didn't initially struggle or scream. This couldn't be happening to him here in one of his safe spaces. Not now that Steve promised it was healthy to let his guard down, that they couldn't touch him anymore. He wanted to claw off his skin.

There was bile rising into his throat as Bucky lurched to the side, forcing the cock out from him. The guy didn't have a chance to react before Bucky shot his arm forward and wrapped metal fingers around the guy's neck.

"Sam?!"

Sam was on his knees, wide-eyed and naked. There was a condom rolled over his wilting erection.

Bucky's brain flickered like a rolodex through the potential ways that he could have got here. Stuttering.

The servos in Bucky's arm whirled as he frantically reversed the impulse to obliterate the trachea in his grip, enough that Sam was no longer in imminent danger of being choked out. That's not to say he let go, or was anything remotely gentle.

It couldn't be true. This wasn't real, this was a dream, this was Hydra pumping his veins with hallucinogenics and opioids and steroids and OH GOD Hydra had him in their clutches again and he would never see Steve again BECAUSE THAT MADE SENSE. Or least the most sense in the context of Sam pinning him down and penetrating him.

Because he trusted Sam. Sam was one of the good ones, the moral compass when Steve was righteous in the wrong way and Bucky wasn't righteous enough. Sam was the guy who was there in whatever capacity he needed him to be.

Of course they would get their hooks into Sam and use him the worst kind of betrayal.

"What does order comes through?" Bucky demanded harshly, grappling desperately for a lifeline of doubt to disprove what his mind already knew to be true. He shuddered internally, but didn't let up as a trickle of lube ran down one side of his thigh, penis flopping precome down the other.

Sam's pulse throbbed beneath Bucky's fingers, and he gasped panicked breaths, hands scrabbling in a vain attempt to shake him off. "Let's... calm down. Talk this-"

"Five seconds, then I gonna rip your head from you body. Answer NOW."

"I don't know!" Sam screamed, spit flying from his mouth.

"WHAT DOES ORDER COME THROUGH?" Bucky yelled right back, frantically searching his face.

"Bucky... please man, I don't-"

In his mind he already said goodbye to Steve, goodbye to the happiness he had found in the last few months, felt under the haptic sensors what would have happened if Sam knew the answer; his wrist twisting outward and the sharp crack of a neck. Dead eyes staring back at him.

Bucky screamed, just straight up feral screamed, and pushed Sam away, out of his grasp. Sam tumbled backwards on to his ass, a tangle of sweaty limbs at the foot of the bed.

Several deep breaths, then he let a cool calm wash over him. Buck glanced guardedly around Sam's bedroom, snatching his phone from the nightstand once he located it and tapping away at the screen.

Sam tried to cover himself with one hand, the other rubbing at his neck as pale red streaks faded back to flesh tone. "I can explain," he said carefully.

"Sure," he curtly replied as he stood.

Sam flinched away as Bucky approached him, came around the bed and casually draped his left arm across Sam's bare shoulders, like he didn't nearly Winter Soldier his ass seconds ago.

"Selfie," Bucky muttered gruffly, before hulling them both backwards on to the bed.

He shoved his phone screen above them, right over Sam's face.

BLINK 2X IF WE ARENT ALONE

"Oh shit," Sam said softly. "Nah, nah, Bucky, fuck. It ain't like that."

He wriggled out Bucky's grasp, putting distance between their naked bodies.

"The hell is going on then?" Bucky demanded, backing up against the headboard, spluttering, spiraling quickly out of control, never feeling so naked. "Why would you... would you..."

"He was supposed to tell you. I'm so sorry, man."

"What?"

Sam drew a shaky breath. "Call Steve. Get him over here."

"No, fuck. You're Sam, and I need Sam. Be Sam," Bucky's body went lax and submissive. "Please."

Understanding passed over Sam's face. Don't let him see, Bucky didn't have to say. Stop me from jumping or pulling a runner. De-escalate first, deal with the fall out later. Hopefully later they can get to without Bucky killing or maiming either other of them in the meantime.

Well, underwear and pants first. Sam dressed, moving slowly, telegraphing, Bucky realized. "Okay. Okay, Barnes. We're cool. I'm gonna stay right over here while I talk you down. Alright?"

A nod. Tightly.

"Catch."

No, don't flinch away from it when it comes, it's equipment. Off-brand boxers and sweatpant landed on the bed in front of him, his own.

"Do you know where you are?"

"Your apartment." No hesitation. Bucky rattled off the correct address and date for good measure. Then he paused and leveled his eyes to Sam's. "And I'm Bucky, but you got that, I guess..."

Sam didn't laugh. Bucky gathered the sheets around himself.

"I'm not losing it." He made a frustrated noise and corrected himself as he pulled on his clothes. "I'm losing it, but not more than what's par for the course for me. This is real. I can... tell. I know I'm awake. Sometimes I can't, but now I'm sure and... I'm trying to string together some kind of explanation as to how we could've got here, and I'm drawing up blanks."

Shirt on Sam. Black and ribbed, the tank.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Shirt plopped into Bucky's lap.

Shirt pulled on, worn white crew neck cotton. Familiar. "I don't know. DC, Oxon Hill, by way of Andrews. Yesterday?"

Sam made a quiet sound of affirmation.

"Taking out a Ten Rings splinter cell that was fronting as a traphouse that was fronting as a skevy in-home barbershop. And uh, on the way back, it was... you, me, Stevie, Natalia, and Barton. Then debrief with Hill..." Bucky closed his eyes, struggling to shift through memories.  

"The Soldier was in control most of the time, so I stood there useless while everyone else detailed all the exciting things I've got no memory of. Went home to wash up and wait for Steve to get back. I think the last thing I remember was being in our sofa, maintenancing my arm, listening to some tune by Billie Holliday play."

Bucky opened his eyes, not really trying looking at Sam. Actually anywhere but him.

"But how does that get us here? What the hell got you to the point that you thought it'd be a stellar idea to fuck me up the rear?"

Sam took a deep breath. "I wasn't having sex with you."

"You weren't having---I smell the KY on your fingers and feel it leaking out my asshole!"

Another deep breath. "I wasn't having sex with YOU."

The Soldier, then. Even that didn't make an ounce of sense. Sam and The Soldier couldn't be together for a variety of reasons, including Sam being straight and claiming that Bucky's body was about as attractive to him as his nana's foot. And the Soldier only ever wanted to be intimate with Steve, or so Bucky thought.

"This wasn't the first time," Sam added, hands forcibly unclenched at his sides.

Bucky's scowl melted into something softer.

"Is he making you...?" Bucky asked carefully.

"Nah. I let it--"

"Let HIM--?!"

"I could have ordered him to stop."

At which point the Soldier would have responded to Sam as a handler, or not: both were equally possible. The lady or the tiger.

"Don't underestimate what he's capable of," Bucky snapped.

"I knew what I was getting into."

Contradictory. "You were the one who told me that that doesn't make it okay!" Bucky stammered out.

"Quit trying to headshrink me, Barnes; it ain't your forte."

Bucky kicked a leg flat out on the bed and laughed outright manic. "So... what, you're his trade boy?"

His voice went hard. "Don't call me boy."

"Fuck-buddy to the infamous Winter Soldier."

Sam didn't honor that one with a comeback, just slumped back against the wall for support. "All of us have been pressuring The Soldier to be a person, regain some agency. And it wanted--"

"He doesn't want you."

It carried more venom than Bucky meant to let out, but that was the crux of the situation. Bucky gave blanket permission for Steve to fool around with him, either as himself or as The Soldier, but Steve adamantly refused to be intimate with The Soldier. It was a stalemate that had gone on for weeks and made The Soldier increasingly more agitated every time he surfaced.

"He wanted to have what you're having, and who you think The Soldier should be doing it with isn't on the table," Sam responded.

"And you are?"

"Look, he was gonna go out and find himself a girl or guy on the street, but didn't want to end up with a body to dump if things went south. At least if it was me..." he laughed, a sad choked sound. "You're not too good at killing me, Barnes. At least the odds were in my favor."

"You're not the first 'straight' dude to take one for the team by shoving a dick in me," Bucky remarked dryly.

"Figured."

And Bucky laughed, genuinely, his arm clacking and whirring as he passed a hand through his hair. Relaxed banter, about rape no less. Sam cracked a hint of a smile; their lives were so fucked.

Sam dropped his head, stoic again. "You weren't supposed to find out this way. I'm sorry."

Bucky let himself give a signature shrug of defeat. "At least now The Soldier and me, we're even. I think he woke up with Steve's cock down his throat."

Bucky half-expected Sam to cry out too-much-info, but instead, Sam huffed out a great sigh and his hands flashed open in some incomprehensible gesture. "None of this is okay, you know?"

Of course it wasn't. De-escalate first, fallout later. Which meant use Sam's shower and all his hot water, then find Steve and have yet another discussion about fun souvenirs from Hydra and how they continued to ruin any happiness and autonomy he regained.

"Yeah. You should scram, actually. Hole up with someone from my list for a bit while I break this to Steve."

Sam dry swallowed and nodded, fumbling around for his phone, keys, wallet.

"And Sam," Bucky said quietly, "I might not be okay with being friends with you, anymore. Don't know how this is gonna all heal over."

Another nod, and he left.

Bucky sank down into the bed that he didn't belong in and stayed there for a good long moment.   

....

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel-esque to [Reinforcement](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16941066). Some stuff here has been changed/retconed from that oneshot, so this can either stand on its own or not. Up to you.


End file.
